This is “Sentence Variety”, section 6.1 from the book English for Business Success (v. 1.0).
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Have you ever ordered a dish in a restaurant and been not happy with its taste, even though it contained most of your favorite ingredients? Just as a meal might lack the finishing touches needed to spice it up, so too might a paragraph contain all the basic components but still lack the stylistic finesse required to engage a reader. Sometimes writers have a tendency to reuse the same sentence pattern throughout their writing. Like any repetitive task, reading text that contains too many sentences with the same length and structure can become monotonous and boring. Experienced writers mix it up by using an assortment of sentence patterns, rhythms, and lengths.
In this chapter, you will follow a student named Naomi who has written a draft of an essay but needs to refine her writing. This section discusses how to introduce sentence variety into writing, how to open sentences using a variety of techniques, and how to use different types of sentence structure when connecting ideas. You can use these techniques when revising a paper to bring life and rhythm to your work. They will also make reading your work more enjoyable.
Experienced writers incorporate sentence varietyUse of an assortment of sentence patterns, rhythms, and lengths to reduce repetition and emphasize important points in a text. into their writing by varying sentence style and structure. Using a mixture of different sentence structures reduces repetition and adds emphasis to important points in the text. Read the following example:
During my time in office I have achieved several goals. I have helped increase funding for local schools. I have reduced crime rates in the neighborhood. I have encouraged young people to get involved in their community. My competitor argues that she is the better choice in the upcoming election. I argue that it is ridiculous to fix something that isn’t broken. If you reelect me this year, I promise to continue to serve this community.
In this extract from an election campaign, the writer uses short, simple sentences of a similar length and style. Writers often mistakenly believe that this technique makes the text more clear for the reader, but the result is a choppy, unsophisticated paragraph that does not grab the audience’s attention. Now read the revised paragraph with sentence variety:
During my time in office, I have helped increase funding for local schools, reduced crime rates in the neighborhood, and encouraged young people to get involved in their community. Why fix what isn’t broken? If you reelect me this year, I will continue to achieve great things for this community. Don’t take a chance on an unknown contender; vote for the proven success.
Notice how introducing a short rhetorical question among the longer sentences in the paragraph is an effective means of keeping the reader’s attention. In the revised version, the writer combines the choppy sentences at the beginning into one longer sentence, which adds rhythm and interest to the paragraph.
Effective writers often implement the “rule of three,” which is basically the thought that things that contain three elements are more memorable and more satisfying to readers than any other number. Try to use a series of three when providing examples, grouping adjectives, or generating a list.
Combine each set of simple sentences into a compound or a complex sentence. Write the combined sentence on your own sheet of paper.
Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.
Read the following sentences and consider what they all have in common:
John and Amanda will be analyzing this week’s financial report.
The car screeched to a halt just a few inches away from the young boy.
Students rarely come to the exam adequately prepared.
If you are having trouble figuring out why these sentences are similar, try underlining the subject in each. You will notice that the subject is positioned at the beginning of each sentence—John and Amanda, the car, students. Since the subject-verb-object pattern is the simplest sentence structure, many writers tend to overuse this technique, which can result in repetitive paragraphs with little sentence variety.
Naomi wrote an essay about the 2008 government bailout. Read this excerpt from Naomi’s essay:
This section examines several ways to introduce sentence variety at the beginning of sentences, using Naomi’s essay as an example.
One technique you can use so as to avoid beginning a sentence with the subject is to use an adverb. An adverbA word that describes a verb, adjective, or other adverb and often ends in -ly. is a word that describes a verb, adjective, or other adverb and often ends in -ly. Examples of adverbs include quickly, softly, quietly, angrily, and timidly. Read the following sentences:
She slowly turned the corner and peered into the murky basement.
Slowly, she turned the corner and peered into the murky basement.
In the second sentence, the adverb slowly is placed at the beginning of the sentence. If you read the two sentences aloud, you will notice that moving the adverb changes the rhythm of the sentence and slightly alters its meaning. The second sentence emphasizes how the subject moves—slowly—creating a buildup of tension. This technique is effective in fictional writing.
Note that an adverb used at the beginning of a sentence is usually followed by a comma. A comma indicates that the reader should pause briefly, which creates a useful rhetorical device. Read the following sentences aloud and consider the effect of pausing after the adverb:
Cautiously, he unlocked the kennel and waited for the dog’s reaction.
Solemnly, the policeman approached the mayor and placed him under arrest.
Suddenly, he slammed the door shut and sprinted across the street.
In an academic essay, moving an adverb to the beginning of a sentence serves to vary the rhythm of a paragraph and increase sentence variety.
Naomi has used two adverbs in her essay that could be moved to the beginning of their respective sentences. Notice how the following revised version creates a more varied paragraph:
Adverbs of time—adverbs that indicate when an action takes place—do not always require a comma when used at the beginning of a sentence. Adverbs of time include words such as yesterday, today, later, sometimes, often, and now.
On your own sheet of paper, rewrite the following sentences by moving the adverbs to the beginning.
Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.
A prepositional phraseA group of words that begins with a preposition. is a group of words that behaves as an adjective or an adverb, modifying a noun or a verb. Prepositional phrases contain a prepositionA word that connects a noun, pronoun, or verb to another word that describes or modifies it. Common prepositions include in, on, under, near, by, with, and about. (a word that specifies place, direction, or time) and an object of the prepositionA noun phrase or pronoun that follows a preposition and completes its meaning. (a noun phrase or pronoun that follows the preposition).
Table 6.1 Common Prepositions
Read the following sentence:
The terrified child hid underneath the table.
In this sentence, the prepositional phrase is underneath the table. The preposition underneath relates to the object that follows the preposition—the table. Adjectives may be placed between the preposition and the object in a prepositional phrase.
The terrified child hid underneath the heavy wooden table.
Some prepositional phrases can be moved to the beginning of a sentence in order to create variety in a piece of writing. Look at the following revised sentence:
Underneath the heavy wooden table, the terrified child hid.
Notice that when the prepositional phrase is moved to the beginning of the sentence, the emphasis shifts from the subject—the terrified child—to the location in which the child is hiding. Words that are placed at the beginning or end of a sentence generally receive the greatest emphasis. Take a look at the following examples. The prepositional phrase is underlined in each:
The bandaged man waited in the doctor’s office.
In the doctor’s office, the bandaged man waited.
My train leaves the station at 6:45 a.m.
At 6:45 a.m., my train leaves the station.
Teenagers exchange drugs and money under the railway bridge.
Under the railway bridge, teenagers exchange drugs and money.
Prepositional phrases are useful in any type of writing. Take another look at Naomi’s essay on the government bailout.
Now read the revised version.
The underlined words are all prepositional phrases. Notice how they add additional information to the text and provide a sense of flow to the essay, making it less choppy and more pleasurable to read.
Unmovable Prepositional Phrases
Not all prepositional phrases can be placed at the beginning of a sentence. Read the following sentence:
I would like a chocolate sundae without whipped cream.
In this sentence, without whipped cream is the prepositional phrase. Because it describes the chocolate sundae, it cannot be moved to the beginning of the sentence. “Without whipped cream I would like a chocolate sundae” does not make as much (if any) sense. To determine whether a prepositional phrase can be moved, we must determine the meaning of the sentence.
Overuse of Prepositional Phrases
Experienced writers often include more than one prepositional phrase in a sentence; however, it is important not to overload your writing. Using too many modifiers in a paragraph may create an unintentionally comical effect as the following example shows:
The treasure lay buried under the old oak tree, behind the crumbling fifteenth-century wall, near the schoolyard, where children played merrily during their lunch hour, unaware of the riches that remained hidden beneath their feet.
A sentence is not necessarily effective just because it is long and complex. If your sentence appears cluttered with prepositional phrases, divide it into two shorter sentences. The previous sentence is far more effective when written as two simpler sentences:
The treasure lay buried under the old oak tree, behind the crumbling fifteenth-century wall. In the nearby schoolyard, children played merrily during their lunch hour, unaware of the riches that remained hidden beneath their feet.
The overuse of prepositional phrases often occurs when our thoughts are jumbled and we are unsure how concepts or ideas relate to one another. If you are preparing a report or a proposal, take the time to organize your thoughts in an outline before writing a rough draft. Read the draft aloud, either to yourself or to a colleague, and identify areas that are rambling or unclear. If you notice that a particular part of your report contains several sentences over twenty words, you should double check that particular section to make certain that it is coherent and does not contain unnecessary prepositional phrases. Reading aloud sometimes helps detect unclear and wordy sentences. You can also ask a colleague to paraphrase your main points to ensure that the meaning is clear.
As we noted earlier, most writers follow the subject-verb-object sentence structure. In an inverted sentenceA sentence that inverts the traditional subject-verb-object structure so that the verb follows the subject., the order is reversed so that the subject follows the verb. Read the following sentence pairs:
Notice how the second sentence in each pair places more emphasis on the subject—a truck in the first example and the file in the second. This technique is useful for drawing the reader’s attention to your primary area of focus. We can apply this method to an academic essay. Take another look at Naomi’s paragraph.
To emphasize the subject in certain sentences, Naomi can invert the traditional sentence structure. Read her revised paragraph:
Notice that in the first underlined sentence, the subject (some economists) is placed after the verb (argued). In the second underlined sentence, the subject (the government) is placed after the verb (expects).
On your own sheet of paper, rewrite the following sentences as inverted sentences.
Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.
Reviewing and rewriting the beginning of sentences is a good way of introducing sentence variety into your writing. Another useful technique is to connect two sentences using a modifier, a relative clause, or an appositive. This section examines how to connect ideas across several sentences in order to increase sentence variety and improve writing.
Sometimes it is possible to combine two sentences by converting one of them into a modifier using the -ing verb form—singing, dancing, swimming. A modifierA word or phrase that qualifies the meaning of another element in a sentence. is a word or phrase that qualifies the meaning of another element in the sentence. Read the following example:
Original sentences: Steve checked the computer system. He discovered a virus.
Revised sentence: Checking the computer system, Steve discovered a virus.
To connect two sentences using an -ing modifier, add -ing to one of the verbs in the sentences (checking) and delete the subject (Steve). Use a comma to separate the modifier from the subject of the sentence. It is important to make sure that the main idea in your revised sentence is contained in the main clause, not in the modifier. In this example, the main idea is that Steve discovered a virus, not that he checked the computer system.
In the following example, an -ing modifier indicates that two actions are occurring at the same time:
Noticing the police car, she shifted gears and slowed down.
This means that she slowed down at the same time she noticed the police car.
Barking loudly, the dog ran across the driveway.
This means that the dog barked as it ran across the driveway.
You can add an -ing modifier to the beginning or the end of a sentence, depending on which fits best.
Beginning: Conducting a survey among her friends, Amanda found that few were happy in their jobs.
End: Maria filed the final report, meeting her deadline.
A common mistake when combining sentences using the -ing verb form is to misplace the modifier so that it is not logically connected to the rest of the sentence. This creates a dangling modifierA modifier that is not logically connected to the rest of the sentence.. Look at the following example:
Jogging across the parking lot, my breath grew ragged and shallow.
In this sentence, jogging across the parking lot seems to modify my breath. Since breath cannot jog, the sentence should be rewritten so that the subject is placed immediately after the modifier or added to the dangling phrase.
Jogging across the parking lot, I felt my breath grow ragged and shallow.
For more information on dangling modifiers, see Chapter 1 "Writing Basics: What Makes a Good Sentence?".
Some sentences can be combined using an -ed verb form—stopped, finished, played. To use this method, one of the sentences must contain a form of be as a helping verb in addition to the -ed verb form. Take a look at the following example:
Original sentences: The Jones family was delayed by a traffic jam. They arrived several hours after the party started.
Revised sentence: Delayed by a traffic jam, the Jones family arrived several hours after the party started.
In the original version, was acts as a helping verbA verb that is used with a main verb to describe mood or tense. The helping verb is usually a form of be, do, or have.—it has no meaning by itself, but it serves a grammatical function by placing the main verb (delayed) in the perfect tense.
To connect two sentences using an -ed modifier, drop the helping verb (was) and the subject (the Jones family) from the sentence with an -ed verb form. This forms a modifying phrase (delayed by a traffic jam) that can be added to the beginning or end of the other sentence according to which fits best. As with the -ing modifier, be careful to place the word that the phrase modifies immediately after the phrase in order to avoid a dangling modifier.
Using -ing or -ed modifiers can help streamline your writing by drawing obvious connections between two sentences. Take a look at how Naomi might use modifiers in her paragraph.
The revised version of the essay uses the -ing modifier opting to draw a connection between the government’s decision to bail out the banks and the result of that decision—the acquisition of the mortgage-backed securities.
Another technique that writers use to combine sentences is to join them using a relative clause. A relative clauseA group of words that contains a subject and a verb and describes a noun. A relative clause functions as an adjective in a sentence. is a group of words that contains a subject and a verb and describes a noun. Relative clauses function as adjectives by answering questions such as which one? or what kind? Relative clauses begin with a relative pronoun, such as who, which, where, why, or when. Read the following examples:
Original sentences: The managing director is visiting the company next week. He lives in Seattle.
Revised sentence: The managing director, who lives in Seattle, is visiting the company next week.
To connect two sentences using a relative clause, substitute the subject of one of the sentences (he) for a relative pronoun (who). This gives you a relative clause (who lives in Seattle) that can be placed next to the noun it describes (the managing director). Make sure to keep the sentence you want to emphasize as the main clause. For example, reversing the main clause and subordinate clause in the preceding sentence emphasizes where the managing director lives, not the fact that he is visiting the company.
Revised sentence: The managing director, who is visiting the company next week, lives in Seattle.
Relative clauses are a useful way of providing additional, nonessential information in a sentence. Take a look at how Naomi might incorporate relative clauses into her essay.
Notice how the underlined relative clauses can be removed from Naomi’s essay without changing the meaning of the sentence.
To check the punctuation of relative clauses, assess whether or not the clause can be taken out of the sentence without changing its meaning. If the relative clause is not essential to the meaning of the sentence, it should be placed in commas. If the relative clause is essential to the meaning of the sentence, it does not require commas around it.
An appositiveA word or group of words that describes or renames a noun or pronoun. is a word or group of words that describes or renames a noun or pronoun. Incorporating appositives into your writing is a useful way of combining sentences that are too short and choppy. Take a look at the following example:
Original sentences: Harland Sanders began serving food for hungry travelers in 1930. He is Colonel Sanders or “the Colonel.”
Revised sentence: Harland Sanders, “the Colonel,” began serving food for hungry travelers in 1930.
In the revised sentence, “the Colonel” is an appositive because it renames Harland Sanders. To combine two sentences using an appositive, drop the subject and verb from the sentence that renames the noun and turn it into a phrase. Note that in the previous example, the appositive is positioned immediately after the noun it describes. An appositive may be placed anywhere in a sentence, but it must come directly before or after the noun to which it refers:
Appositive after noun: Scott, a poorly trained athlete, was not expected to win the race.
Appositive before noun: A poorly trained athlete, Scott was not expected to win the race.
Unlike relative clauses, appositives are always punctuated by a comma or a set commas. Take a look at the way Naomi uses appositives to include additional facts in her essay.
On your own sheet of paper, rewrite the following sentence pairs as one sentence using the techniques you have learned in this section.
Please share with a classmate and compare your answers.
In addition to varying sentence structure, consider varying the types of sentences you are using in a report or other workplace document. Most sentences are declarative, but a carefully placed question, exclamation, or command can pique colleagues’ interest, even if the subject material is fairly dry. Imagine that you are writing a budget analysis. Beginning your report with a rhetorical question, such as “Where is our money going?” or “How can we increase sales?” encourages people to continue reading to find out the answers. Although they should be used sparingly in academic and professional writing, questions or commands are effective rhetorical devices.